Can Cathy Get Her Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Here is another letter from one of my readers that I thought I will share with you. Of course all private details are removed and the person’s name is not real to protect her privacy…

Dear John,

I think my situation is rather unique from others. Which is really a big headaches for me. The reason for our breakup is actually accumulated, according to him. He doesnt like me to stay out late, but i used to enjoy clubbing alot, like i said ‘used to’ so i no longer club and goes out late anymore.

He doesnt wants me to hang out with a certain group of my friends and i am trying my best to not do so. But they are my classmates, colleagues so it’s like i sees them everyday in school and at my workplace. But after schooling and working hours I seldom make plans of seeing them or hanging out with them anymore.

But he dont seems to see and believe that.. how can i proved the above mentioned to him? Also he said I lied to him too often in the past, making him unable to trust me anymore. And I really regretted it alot. I still love him alot and I really hope to get another chance to change for him and cherish him.

However, right now he made it very very clear to me saying that he doesn’t love me anymore. We broke up 3 weeks ago. And we do have already made plans for the New Year, however, i highly doubt they are still on now. And the thought of it really made my heart aches so much. John, please advise me what to do to get him back asap. Please…

Much loves,
Cathy (not her real name)

Hi Cathy,

Oh boy. It really sounds like you are hurting. However, I do have some concerns about your ex boyfriend’s controlling behavior based on what you said.

But you are the best judge for that. I don’t believe having an awesome relationship means that you have to leave your friends… unless of course, they are obnoxious or have ugly habits such as using drugs or excessive drinking.

You mentioned that he has a trust issue with you. If this is the case, you need to go slow and build up his trust in you. That means you be on time when you say you will be there. If you say you will do something, be sure that you do it. Such as if you say that you will help him out with a project, be sure to show up at the agreed time and help him. Little by little you can prove to him. Words aren’t enough. Action speaks louder.

And this may take time… Sometimes a lot of time.

Here is my advice for you based on my experience and what I have read about relationships, you need to let him go. It sounds like you are pushing him and he is resisting. Just give him room. And what may happen is that he will begin to think about you and start to miss you. Because you are no longer pushing him, he doesn’t feel the pressure.

In the meantime, you need to slightly improve yourself. Keep looking great. Wear new clothes. Feel great. And you may even want to push yourself a little harder at work to position yourself for promotions and new challenges.

Doing these things will make you more intriguing and more attractive to your ex boyfriend.

Good luck and I wish you well,

John